More Than Depression

“I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you."

Isaiah 43:1-2

While depression doesn't exclude any demographic, female cases nearly double that of their male counterparts.¹ In fact, one in eight women suffer from depression--according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

This doesn't discredit the reality of depression in men, but there is an undeniable phenomena that makes the average women more susceptible to developing depression than a man. While postpartum conditions may be partly to blame, there's no denying that the female community is deeply burdened by this invasive illness.

Now, to tone down the academia and get a little more personal, I am the one in eight. Cycling through bouts of anxiety and depression as byproducts of a deeper illness has paved me a track record of depleting trial and error. Some weeks and months are better than others, but let me tell you, friends... moments of this year have been as close as I've gotten to hell. If you had told me when I was a ten-year-old spitfire with dreams the size of Kansas that this would be me in my early twenties, I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have wanted to believe you.

While I'm grateful that additional awareness of mental illness is circulating, finding legitimate, sustainable, and resourceful help as an adult is still a pain in the arse. I've spent the bulk of my life stomaching ineffective medications prescribed by medical professionals who laugh at my concerns and, after speaking with me for ten minutes, make me feel like I know nothing about the body and mind I've been living in my entire life. My people-pleasing self clams up, smiles, and nods along when they tell me that adult ADHD doesn't exist, or that OCD doesn't put you in a box, or that people who can make conversation are too "normal" for autism.

The medical field is the central culprit in perpetuating these harmful stereotypes that prevent sufferers from getting the help they need to ease the burden of their illnesses in daily life. Imagine a 40-year-old man entering the E.R. with a very obvious fracture in his wrist, meeting with a doctor who writes him some pills for the pain and sends him home because it's more common for a twelve-year-old boy to break his wrist than a 40-year-old man. The 40-year-old man desperately needs proper treatment for a fracture in his wrist just as much (if not more) than a twelve-year-old boy would, but the 40-year-old man is dismissed with a festering wound because he doesn't fit the doctor's mold of a typical patient. The 40-year-old man will not only suffer more physical pain than necessary, but will likely also experience psychological grief as the reality of his persisting pain contradicts the doctor's verdict, making the 40-year-old man feel helpless and misunderstood.

You get the gist. While the medical industry is rapidly acknowledging/treating anxiety and depression, many sufferers remain stuck under clouds of confusion and distress when issues persist or even arise after medical consultations and prescriptions. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) reportedly accounts for millions of Americans' depressive cases,² but a myriad of other illnesses frequently fly below the radar with depressive presentations, such as neurodivergences: ADHD, ASD, OCD, etc. or other conditions such as PTSD, BPD, SAD, agoraphobia, personality disorders, eating disorders, substance abuses... the list goes on.

Women face the potential for misdiagnosis of any of these conditions with depressive symptoms, in addition to conditions related to reproduction/menses: PMDD, PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids, or any hormonal imbalance dismissed as typical female behavior. After extensively researching on my own and receiving several recommendations to have my hormones tested, my OB-GYN refused to test my requested list of hormones and told me that medical misogyny has fooled women into thinking their hormonal fluctuations are problematic.

Except they are problematic when they interfere with your basic functions and deteriorate your quality of life.

So we've covered that medical knowledge and technology has progressed enough to begin acknowledging depression, but the accessible reach of help in cases that exceed Major Depressive Disorder remains to be seen. It still appears as though the surface has barely been scratched, which leaves so many victims stranded and treading water for years--if not their entire lives. It goes without saying that this perpetual state of limbo only intensifies the mental, emotional, physical, and social struggles that encompass an undiagnosed or misdiagnosed condition. Ergo, intensified depression.

That prognosis sounds pretty bleak, but there is a silver lining. I'm not going to slap a Jesus band-aid over the gaping wound in your soul, because I am ill-equipped to remedy the depth of your pain. I can promise you, though, that He isn't just equipped... He's actively working through every trench of your pain. He sees into the alleys of your soul that you can't even fathom. He knows exactly what's going on in your body and mind. When your quest for answers and relief feels fruitless, He hasn't stopped fighting tooth and nail for you. He hasn't forgotten you. He hasn't forsaken you. He has already won your battle. And when you can't seem to have faith in a God permits such pain in someone He loves so much, remember His son. Jesus--a blameless sacrifice-- suffered unimaginable brutality; yet, His intercession of atonement for our sins delivered children of God from an eternity of evil. His pain served an unparalleled (and irreplaceable) purpose.

While depression (and whatever accompanies it) is gripping and consuming and draining and just downright painful, He wouldn't allow His beloved child to endure it if it were in vain. Maybe you will be gifted with a capacity to empathize with others through your own firsthand experience and point other drowning victims to the hope and assurance of Christ amid their pain. Maybe your path of suffering ends with an outcome so beautiful that any other route would have paled in comparison. After all, God has a thing for turning ruins into awe-striking art--just taste and see the majesty of His redemptive handiwork all around us. The Lord is good, even though depression and illness and afflictions of this world are not. The Lord is good, and the Lord has the final say. Take heart, for He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

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"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken." Psalm 34:17-20

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¹ “Women and Depression.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America. ADAA. Accessed December 6, 2022. https://adaa.org/find-help-for/women/depression.

² Fulghum Bruce, Debra. “Depression's Link to 9 Other Mental Illnesses.” WebMD, 2022. https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/link-to-other-mental-illnesses.